Before discussing this topic and reading my experience, Weed is illegal in New Zealand. Only medical marijuana (CBD) is legal in New Zealand. Please seek medical advice from your doctor before using any medical marijuana, and be sure to do your research upon this. I own a CBD medical card as a patient for the cannabis clinic in New Zealand. I’m constantly shaking, as anyone would know, or anytime they have met me. Inherited or gifted this nerve disorder, I have always dealt with, fought, and asked about it.
It wasn’t until I was ten years old and had heard a straightforward question “are you cold? you’re shaking”. Guessing that the doors to the odditorium were open, I nodded my head. I continued watching the stage. My mind couldn’t stop acting up as I knew teachers were watching me while I unacknowledged any form of my nervous system disorder. A year later, and as I started to feel more stares, I couldn’t help but wonder why people kept staring, saying nothing? My heart kept racing, palms sweating, and I developed a hunch. My hunch got so bad many years following that anxiety destroyed everything in my daily life. Confidence, speaking, thoughts, and making any friends. The oldest sister of my family, Bella. Had got engaged, so we all flew to wellington to participate in the celebration of her wedding. After the ceremony was all done, the photographer directed our family towards the front of the church. Beautiful warm sun, trees blowing, and the Antarctic cold air struck against my bare arms with nothing to keep me from shivering. The photographer was ready to point and shoot, and my mind played up. Muscles were tensing up, shoulders up to my ears, and head in my chest. When you’re in a position like this, the hunch, you really can’t feel it or sense it. Only is it until I saw the photos what a mess my body and anxiety were. My mother said I had terrible posture and should start standing up straight more. Sure it’s easier said than done, but what did I know? Anxiety was a word I hadn’t fully understood why it happened to me. I wasn’t afraid of anyone or had weird phobias; maybe my thoughts had started to come into place with my shaking and the inability to be still.
College, a five-year journey towards your future and career. Every Tuesday, the whole school would gather for assembly, many ditched, and some fell asleep amongst the audience. From the start and finish of college, my essential tremor still played a more significant, more noticeable part in my life. Harder to explain, less understanding people, extremely judgmental friends. They all mocked me for my disability and dissed me on just how screwed up I am. Yet one friend had a disability herself. Real lame and petty to make fun of others when you’ve got a disability yourself. Majority of my college years, I learned that no friends in college are friends for life. Of course, the ones I know force their friendship. I learned that staying quiet and not saying much may be difficult, but it helps not feed your friends or so-called bullies the reaction they crave. My essential tremor decided to calm down when I had gone on my big trip overseas to las Vegas, San Francisco, and travelling all over California. I couldn’t help but wonder; maybe it’s the environment and how I think? Visiting my grandma’s ranch in California and surrounded by six horses, four dogs, three cats, and two chickens. I barely did much physical work; you had spent every day enjoying the fresh Antarctic air, hot sun without any clouds. The view was spectacular; the front of the house was like being on mount Everest but with less snow and a few places. The backyard was full of mysterious high mountains, again magical but could be something you’d see in a vampire movie without any tress, more dirt, and cactus. They say spending time in the countryside or on a farm clears your head, helping you find who you are, or even having a few animals to look after. I had spent the early mornings running around with the dogs. By mid-afternoon, the horses and chickens would be out running around. The countryside was for sure my favourite.
After the first week of arriving back in New Zealand and going back to college, I had been shaken up by a weird feeling in my body. I couldn’t understand what it was or how to control it. It felt like some creature living inside my body, and I couldn’t take it out, let alone shake it off. Two weeks passed, and I let the beast take over me. Self-doubt and insecurity were on my mind. My brain tried to distract itself, fidget with anything, a piece of string or even fluff in my pockets. Every crosswalk and anytime I had to be still was far too tricky. It had gone into a physical tournament. I dug my nails deep into my skin as hard as possible, attempting to hold my breath. This was a way to suppress my essential tremor. It always felt like a century in my body just waiting to cross the road. It wasn’t until I finally decided to speak up on it on a Thursday night, and my stepmother told me all the news about my disorder. Just how lucky I am to have not been in a worse situation. Since that night, we went through all the medical examinations and tests. Propanolol was the medication to go, a beta-blocker. Unfortunately, I had the worst dreams for two months, and every night felt like I was trapped, visited by demons, and even death. Of course, having vivid dreams is a symptom, the worst one possible. In the end, even to this day, all the vivid dreams are gone. My medication had taken about two weeks to kick in, even until a few months entirely, and nothing got better. Of course, I did stop shaking to some degree, but the typical shaking or cold question would always occur. Maybe I needed to take more of my dosage. Finally, I took five pills to attempt to suppress it as much as possible. On the way home, just down the street, I felt like my heart skipped a beat. Oh no, could I have overdone it, or was this the universe telling me it’s time to go. After that encounter, I kept to my regular dosage, losing all hope.
It wasn’t until I had heard about medical marijuana in late 2020.
Not knowing much or believing in the benefits, I later researched its use, history, and legal reports. I stumbled across a page that provided just what I needed in my CBD. First things first, I had to schedule a meeting with a consultant to explain the reason for usage. Being done with my appointment, I had ordered gummies, oral drops, and vape e-liquid. I was interested in trying various ways of having CBD, knowing what is most effective in my comfort zone. After two months of using CBD, it has made a difference in relaxation, not overthinking, and enjoying the present moment. I can stand anywhere without the mentality of being judged, stared at, or under pressure.
To this day, I still take my CBD, letting it entirely zone me into relaxing heaven. My medication is a great source to use when I’m waiting for a new referral for CBD. I can reassure you that CBD is still the most useful source for my essential tremor. To this day, I take my medication, and I refuse to stop it, to replace it with CBD. There’s no jolt in my head, hands, or voice in any activities. Noticing how many people don’t ask about my shaking anymore, let alone seeing that it’s gone, has astonished me. Using Medical marijuana has been the best decision ever, as I am keen to invest in other products such as paint rollers, creams too.
Beautiful Tanya
That was beautiful Tanya